Hats Off !

I have been home since Saturday morning and I figured it's about time for me to get to a new post. The pic on the left is Clemmy taking very good care of me while I tried to nap today. She has turned into the sweetest little dog. She is always at the ready to snuggle in or bring you her bunny for a good bit of fetch, or to steal cat food... that problem we're working diligently on. We've never had a dog who fit through the cat doors before!

So on to the update. I've been feeling all the effects of chemo and have had a pretty rough week all in all. Sleeping is an issue which I hope resolves itself soon! I feel tired enough to lay down where I stand but then cant sleep. Very frustrating. I've had all the classic side effects, problems with my stomach, aches and pains, fevers and chills and most of all exhaustion. I go to the doctor twice weekly which means I will be there again tomorrow so they can check my counts and make sure the engine is running smoothly. They gave me an injection to boost my bone marrow to make more cells and luckily enough I haven't had any 'bone pain', from which I suffered horribly on my last go rounds with chemo.

On Monday when I was at the doctor I spoke with a couple of social workers. These people help you get grants of money or supplies and also help you with questions about applying for social security disability. The whole process is OVERWHELMING. I've set up a phone interview with the social security people and I have filled out a few applications for grants. It has made me look at things in a new light. I've been so lucky in my life. I mean yah, I have cancer and I'm going through this but there are other parts of my life that are definitely positive.

There is my family and our amazing group of friends but mostly I'm thankful for Anita. Trapped in the hospital for a week, watching her plow through taking care of everything... work-being a top notch veterinarian, taking care or our home, caring for Hannah, visiting me in the hospital. Somehow keeping her sanity through it all. Taking time for me to ramble on the phone to her at night when I was lonely in the hospital. Even making a batch of her world famous chocolate peanut butter cupcakes for the nursing staff at the hospital.

We've been together a long time, 17.5 years really. In that time I know that I've come to take my life partner for granted and for that I am truly sorry. I cant even begin to think where I would be without her... first and foremost very alone. She has taken over the financial responsibilities as I have become unable to work and she keeps our home comfortable and safe. She is my rock. She is a wonderful Mother to Hannah and she is my best friend. I don't think there is a way to thank her enough or to really show her how I feel but I wish I could. My life with out her would be nothing. So as I fight the fight I do it for many reasons but one of the big ones is I want to stick around and enjoy my life with my partner and our wonderful daughter.

So my hat is off to you, best friend, life partner... there really isn't a good title for it, because none of them cover it. Thank you for loving me and choosing to spend your life with me.

Changes

Well it has taken me a while to get a new post done. Since my last post things have changed, life has been hectic and I feel as if I have just been holding on for dear life! The last chemo protocol (the second study drug) went pretty well as far as how I felt and side effects. I felt tired but could still function during the week of chemo. I had an exhausting weekend with fevers and aches and pains but come Tuesday I felt great. So I really had two full weeks of feeling well for a change.

In that two week period a lot happened. My wonderful family came out and installed the basement laminate flooring which looks amazing. Ed helped with the floor and cooked an amazing dinner to feed the workers, David and Matt and Kevin did the floor and the molding and fixed some other odds and ends as well. Uncle Ramon stopped in a for a bit on the way to work and offered his expertise. With Anita's hard work at prepping the room and painting and then the 'putting back together' the room is amazing. We now have a space that we all enjoy using and for once we can use our fireplace comfortably! Thanks to the people who gave up a Saturday to help us out, we really appreciated it!

Next came the news that my Father had died. He had been staying in California with my oldest sister Cat and was receiving chemotherapy and radiation for lung cancer. I don't think anyone was really expecting it, even though he had been sick. I wasn't close with my father but it still was quite the blow. My brother David really held things together and took care of all of the details and there was a funeral and wake here in Connecticut where my father wanted to buried. As hard as the situation was, it was a chance to see many people, both friends and family that I hadn't seen in 15 years or more. The wake was held on February 14th and the funeral was on the 15th, which was also my daughter's birthday. We made sure that we took the time to celebrate Hannah's birthday as well and took her to the movies Friday night.

The weekend brought the barrage of birthday parties for Hannah. We had a family and friends party on Saturday with 30 or so people and that was a blast. We are so blessed to have a wonderful family and a group of friends that meld effortlessly together and make for a great afternoon of laughter and fun. The night closed with the adults taking over the new karaoke machine and trying their skills... rather amusing for those of us who stayed on the sidelines.

Sunday's party was just school friends. Mass pandemonium. Craziness. Screaming children who lose all sense of right and wrong and which end is up. After what seemed like 10 hours, pizza, cake, snacks and present opening it was over. The parties completed and the house returned to some semblance of normalcy.

Thursday of the week of my Father’s funeral I also went to see my oncologist. In the two week time of feeling well I also started with a few new lumps and the ones I had before were getting bigger and more painful. We talked for a long time about my options and if we thought that the chemo protocol that I had just tried was working. When we decided that we were not going to continue with the second study drug I made the decision to leave that realm of study drugs and go to tradition chemotherapies. My two experiences with the study medications did not prove to be effective and emotionally as well as in many other ways I felt I needed to use a medication that was more ‘tried and true’.

My doctor felt that with as aggressive and my cancer has been that we need to be more aggressive in treating it and suggested a five day in-patient chemotherapy regimen. The protocol is called EPOCH. I get the medications as a constant 96 hour infusion given at a slow rate to minimize the side effects. So the plan on Thursday was that I would be admitted to the hospital on Monday morning to begin treatment.

This protocol is going to be much harder, in many ways. I have to be away from my family and stay at Yale for a minimum of 5 days every 21 days. The drugs will make me much more sick and I will lose my hair. The recovery time for each cycle will be much longer, leaving less time of feeling good between therapies. I will not be able to work as much and financially that will hurt as well. Anita will be the solo Mom at home and with work and school and all that is no easy feat.

So today is Tuesday. I was admitted yesterday late morning. (thanks for the ride Lyne) I had a CAT scan and bloodwork done and finally around 8pm I was started on the medications. So far so good. I didn’t sleep much but will try and remedy that today with some naps. I haven’t really felt nauseous until this morning and they added some drugs and that is better. I will do my best to keep my positive attitude and get through this week.

I miss Anita and Hannah and the critters already. So please keep up your positive thoughts and prayers for me and my family. And I will do all I can on my end to be the good patient and get better. I will also try and get back on track and keep you all updated on the BLOG. Hopefully we can get back to the shorter posts and be sure to get some humor flowing again.

Anita helped me get a picture of my new necklace last night. The picture at the top of the post is a gift from my lovely wife. Its a necklace that says "strength, faith, hope, survivior". I think that about covers it. I haven't taken it off and I look at it frequently. Thanks sweet pea. I love it.