Hats Off !

I have been home since Saturday morning and I figured it's about time for me to get to a new post. The pic on the left is Clemmy taking very good care of me while I tried to nap today. She has turned into the sweetest little dog. She is always at the ready to snuggle in or bring you her bunny for a good bit of fetch, or to steal cat food... that problem we're working diligently on. We've never had a dog who fit through the cat doors before!

So on to the update. I've been feeling all the effects of chemo and have had a pretty rough week all in all. Sleeping is an issue which I hope resolves itself soon! I feel tired enough to lay down where I stand but then cant sleep. Very frustrating. I've had all the classic side effects, problems with my stomach, aches and pains, fevers and chills and most of all exhaustion. I go to the doctor twice weekly which means I will be there again tomorrow so they can check my counts and make sure the engine is running smoothly. They gave me an injection to boost my bone marrow to make more cells and luckily enough I haven't had any 'bone pain', from which I suffered horribly on my last go rounds with chemo.

On Monday when I was at the doctor I spoke with a couple of social workers. These people help you get grants of money or supplies and also help you with questions about applying for social security disability. The whole process is OVERWHELMING. I've set up a phone interview with the social security people and I have filled out a few applications for grants. It has made me look at things in a new light. I've been so lucky in my life. I mean yah, I have cancer and I'm going through this but there are other parts of my life that are definitely positive.

There is my family and our amazing group of friends but mostly I'm thankful for Anita. Trapped in the hospital for a week, watching her plow through taking care of everything... work-being a top notch veterinarian, taking care or our home, caring for Hannah, visiting me in the hospital. Somehow keeping her sanity through it all. Taking time for me to ramble on the phone to her at night when I was lonely in the hospital. Even making a batch of her world famous chocolate peanut butter cupcakes for the nursing staff at the hospital.

We've been together a long time, 17.5 years really. In that time I know that I've come to take my life partner for granted and for that I am truly sorry. I cant even begin to think where I would be without her... first and foremost very alone. She has taken over the financial responsibilities as I have become unable to work and she keeps our home comfortable and safe. She is my rock. She is a wonderful Mother to Hannah and she is my best friend. I don't think there is a way to thank her enough or to really show her how I feel but I wish I could. My life with out her would be nothing. So as I fight the fight I do it for many reasons but one of the big ones is I want to stick around and enjoy my life with my partner and our wonderful daughter.

So my hat is off to you, best friend, life partner... there really isn't a good title for it, because none of them cover it. Thank you for loving me and choosing to spend your life with me.