So Where do Test Dummies Go When...

I have been fired. Can Test Dummies post on Monster. com? No more number 16, no more Romidepsin, no more taking massive doses of potassium and magnesium. My status of "tendency to clot" has kicked me out of this study. I have officially flunked.

OK, so here is the explanation. The study that I signed up for had very strict, and I am talking VERY STRICT, guidelines as to what medications you could take in addition to the study drug. When it became obvious to all of my health care team that a port was going to be necessary for me to receive any chemotherapy long term, a 'waiver' was obtained so that I could take a small dose of coumadin while participating in this study. With my port placement came the stent in my superior vena cava and a better understanding of how easily my blood clots. Today came the revelation that I will not be able to maintain my 'clot free' status without much more coumadin then this study will allow. So therefore, without further ado, they booted my sorry ass right out of the study.

So where does this leave me? High and dry, out on a limb, up shit creek without a paddle., going to hell in a hand-basket. I am so sure we could come up with some more cliches. There was another study drug that my oncologist was considering in the beginning, so they are looking into that. The issue for me is this: I am done waiting. I want to be treated today, now, asap, pronto, yesterday... I think you get it, I am no longer willing to wait. So they are looking into things and I am waiting- regardless of whether I wish to or not, to find out where I am going with my treatments.

As angry as I am, and honestly I think more then anything right now, anger is what I am feeling, there is absolutely nothing I can do about this other than be the 'patient patient' a little bit longer. I have an appointment on Tuesday with my oncologist and I am dragging Anita along. She is SO much better at asking all of the questions that need to be asked then I am... I'm more of a "OK, lets do it" and then I get home and Anita asks me if I asked the 3,500,431 questions that I was supposed to ask. She gets the 'sheepish' -- "um, no, um... they said we start Monday though" reply. This does not usually elicit a good response.

For now, I will get on with it, get my ducks in a row, get the lead out, get a move on, get a grip(we hope) and use what energy I can muster to help with the remodeling of our basement this weekend. I will be sure an post pictures... ooh I can do some before and afters... It will knock your socks off, blow your mind, blow your top, wag your tail. Oh my, please make me stop! We are not only painting the room but next weekend 'the brothers' and 'Pepere' are installing our new laminate flooring. Are we the luckiest girls on earth or what.

So family and friends, we've hit another bump in the road but we will survive. I will be the 'patient patient'. We will see the doctor, come up with plan and we will move on and kick the cancer's sorry but. And maybe they can cure my of my cliche issues as well.

To end this post I will share with you the cliche I found that tickled me the most:

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy